Crash II: The Sequel

I almost never purchase the extra "full coverage" insurance when I rent a car, because -- well, because I'm cheap. But because I had left my regular proof-of-insurance card at home -- and, yeah, because someone else was paying for the trip -- I agreed to the additional coverage when I rented from Budget in L.A. this week.

Well, I don't know if God or Truffaut or Elvis was looking out for me, but I made the right move: The very next day, while heading back to my hotel after attending a screening at Lionsgate, I was driving along 405 South, having just entered from 10 East, when a truck veered into my lane and... Well, let's just say that, hours later, I found that I still had tiny bits of shattered safety glass in my hair. But, what the hell, I was still alive. And, not incidentally, I also had another rental car to drive.

No, this is Spinal Tap

While I was out in L.A. this past week, doing legwork for a magazine article and reviewing Captivity for Variety, the long-suffering Mrs. L. was left home to tend to our son when he started complaining about headaches and neck and back pains. Fearing the worst -- i.e., meningitis -- she brought George to the hospital, where he was diagnosed with a viral infection. (Thank God that, unlike some folks in Sicko and a lot of folks who review movies, Mrs. L. has a real job with real medical insurance coverage.) Naturally, I was more than a little upset when I heard about this, especially since I was thousands of miles away and unable to do much but worry. But I have to admit that when I heard George was given a spinal tap, the first thing that sprang to my mind was...

Elvis lives!

OK, maybe "Night of a Thousand Stars" is a bit of an overstatement. But there will be, oh, I dunno, maybe a couple dozen or so notables in attendance for that Aug.16-18 shindig when actors and actors who once shared screen time with Elvis Presley gather in Memphis to commemorate the 30th anniversary of The King's (alleged) demise. Among the participants: Will Hutchins, Sue Ane Langdon, Celeste Yarnall, Edy Williams, L.Q. Jones, Jack Carter -- yeah, don't worry, I didn't know he was still alive, either -- and event organizer Suzanna Leigh, who co-starred with Elvis in Paradise Hawaiian Style. Previewing the event, Associated Press writer Woody Baird notes: "For many of Presley's co-stars, his films were career highlights." And if that sounds a trifle snarky, well, consider: Leigh's other credits include The Deadly Bees, Lust for a Vampire and The Fiend --none of which sound like a hunka-hunka burnin' fun.

He says "chick flick," she says...

Gloria Steinem makes a novel suggestion: If the derogatory and demeaning term "chick flick" is to be used when describing movies about women, then an equally insulting appellation should be used to describe, among other things, "[a]ll the movies that portray violence against women, preferably beautiful, sexy, half-naked women. These feature chainsaws and house parties for teenage guys, serial killers and sadistic rapists for ordinary male adults, plus cleverly plotted humiliations and deaths of powerful women for the well-educated misogynist."

Naturally, Ms. Steinem is not at all shy about stating just what that appellation should be.

Next possibility: The Bates Motel

I likely will be in L.A. for a few days later this month, so I've been pricing hotels on Hotels.com. And I noted this as part of the website's blurb for the Mayfair Hotel: "When visiting local attractions, taxis and shuttles are the suggested mode of transportation due to safety concerns in the immediate area." Hmmmm. Guess I should cross that one off the list of possibilities, eh?

James Hetfield: Threat or menace?

Maybe the UK airport security people never saw Some Kind of Monster?

Tasty Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters

Over at The Hot Blog, we’ve been having a very, uh, animated discussion about the demographic breakdown of the audience for Transformers. Some of the more heated debate has revolved around the question of whether a movie seemingly aimed squarely (if not exclusively) at young guys really could, as exit surveys indicate, have so much appeal for females of all ages. And the ongoing discussion over target audiences has reminded me of…

Well, let me put it this way: Anybody else out there remember Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters from Beverly Hills? It was an exuberantly junky Mighty Morphin Power Rangers knock-off that made the Rangers TV show look as lavishly produced as Transformers (the new live-action feature, not the '86 cartoon movie). The half-hour series ran briefly on the USA Network 1994 to ’95 – and, yes, I frequently viewed it with my son. Of course, it was a bonding experience, completely innocent and wholesome. (Wink-wink, nudge-nudge.) But if you look at this clip, you’ll see the reason I suspect other fathers wanted to watch that “kid show.” At least one of the “teen” protagonists went through a very dramatic change whenever she transformed from mere mortal to alien fighter. Like, from a C cup to a D cup, I'd say.

What the hell?

Memo to Hellboy: Don't ever try to enroll in a Catholic school in Australia.

And if you think this is harsh, just wait until you see what they do with I Trust You to Kill Me

According to Sky News, Iraqi insurgents are behind a nefarious scheme to post on the Internet mock-up Hollywood movie posters designed to give "a chilling message for US troops in Iraq." Obviously, they're armed with Photoshop, and should be considered dangerous. Sky News asks the question that I'm sure is on everyone's mind: "Could the extremists behind this image campaign be Mel Gibson fans?" No, I'm not making that up.

Sicko sullies Blue Cross image

From Crooks and Liars: Michael Moore got his hands on a secret internal memo from Blue Cross (.pdf) worrying about the ramifications of Sicko. Money quote: "You would have to be dead to be unaffected by Moore's movie, he is an effective storyteller."

What is the most-translated film of all time?

I'll give you a clue: The most-translated film is not Gone With the Wind, Star Wars or even Transformers. On the other hand, like most popular movies, it has a traditional three-act structure, a charismatic hero with a strong sense of purpose, dramatic reversals of fortune -- and a happy ending.

Come together

From Reuters: "Talk of monetary union and wine quotas gave way to controversy over orgasms and innuendo at the European Commission on Wednesday as it defended a risque Internet video clip highlighting its backing for European cinema.

"The EU executive's usually dry daily news briefing sprung to life with questions over whether a 44-second clip of 18 couples achieving ecstasy in a variety of positions and venues was the best way to show how Brussels uses taxpayers' money.

"The raunchy clip is made up of snippets from various general release films that have been funded by the EU, including Amelie and Good Bye, Lenin!

"Some reporters also took a swipe at the title of the sequence, asking whether 'Let's Come Together' was acceptable innuendo -- and if it was, whether the pun worked in the 27-member Union's other official languages.

"A Commission spokesman insisted it had not received a single complaint in the 14 weeks since the clip first appeared on Internet site YouTube, suggesting the Brussels press corps should relax and get with the times.

"'Let us for once also have a good sense of humor and let us not start the old wars of the fifties about what is sex, what is pornography and what is simply normal to watch on television,' spokesman Martin Selmayr appealed."

'1776' Redux

At the end of a lazily decadent July 4th holiday – much of it spent chomping down hot dogs and watching my beloved Astros get pounded by the Phillies – I sat down to watch 1776 on Turner Classic Movies. I had vague memories of seeing the 1972 musical back during its original theatrical run, and even vaguer recollections of being none too impressed. Nevertheless, I tuned in – partly because I had nothing better to do, but also because I’d heard rumors that the movie (one of the last Old Hollywood musicals based on Broadway hits) had been substantially improved by the restoration of scenes and songs that had deleted by producer Jack Warner (at the insistence, according to Hollywood legend, of no less a notable than Richard Nixon) before its ’72 release.

Alll I can say is: I’m glad I made the effort. Mind you, 1776 still is something less than an unadulterated masterwork. (Although director Peter H. Hunt manages some impressive wide-screen compositions, he’s a tad too literal-minded in some aspects of his stage-to-screen translation.) Taken as a whole, however, the movie is wonderfully entertaining – and, better still, undeniably inspiring -- as it offers an intelligently yet playfully romanticized account of events leading to the signing of the Declaration of Independence. But wait, there’s more: The cast includes most of the major players from the original 1969 Broadway ensemble – including William Daniels (John Adams), Howard Da Silva (Benjamin Franklin) and Ken Howard (Thomas Jefferson), all at their finest – along with an absolutely luminescent Blythe Danner (who was pregnant with Gwyneth Paltrow during filming) as Martha Jefferson. And the heated debates over individual rights and tyrannical rulers is, alas, every bit as relevant today as in 1776 or 1972.

I can easily see how this restored 1776 might eventually become a holiday season staple (much like It’s a Wonderful Life or A Christmas Story) over years and years of TV reruns. For some background on the restoration, along with fair appraisals of the movie itself, see here (at the end of a review of the 1997 New York stage revival) and here.

Independence Day

In honor of the holiday, I give you the ridiculously corny yet tremendously affecting speech given by a beleaguered U.S. President (played by Bill Pullman) to rally a final push against invading extraterrestrials in Independence Day. Seeing this clip again reminds me that, as recently as 1999, you could portray the Commander in Chief as the take-charge hero of a summer blockbuster without inviting derisive jeers from mainstream moviegoers. Flash forward to today, and you have Michael Bay's Transformers, an even bigger blockbuster that depicts the U.S. President only fleetingly, as a mostly unseen doofus with bright red socks and a taste for Ho-Hos, while a grimly determined Secretary of Defense (Jon Voight, who played the heroic FDR in Bay's Pearl Harbor) does the heavy lifting. Gee, do you think this says something about how the makers of Transformers view -- and how they assume mainstream audiences view -- the current resident of the White House?

July 4th viewing tip: Neil Simon mini-marathon

If heavy rains dampen your plans for parading or picnicking on Independence Day, and you’re in the mood for an indulgent wallow in ‘60s and ‘70s nostalgia, you might be mildly amused by the line-up of comedies based on Neil Simon plays that Turner Classic Movies has to offer. Barefoot in the Park (11:30 am EDT) may be especially entertaining for anyone who doesn’t remember, or who never knew, just how sleek and sexy Jane Fonda and Robert Redford were back in the day (circa 1967, when this movie was released) before they became activists as well as actors. Please don’t misunderstand: I’m not criticizing either star for his or her politics. Rather, I’m indulging myself a bit by gazing back through rose-colored glasses. Hell, I can remember exactly where I first saw Barefoot -- the old Fox Theatre on Elysian Fields in my hometown of New Orleans -- and how hot Jane Fonda looked (even before she undraped for Barbarella) to a hormonally inflamed adolescent.

The July 4th mini-marathon on TCM also includes 1963’s Come Blow Your Horn (7:30 am EDT), with Frank Sinatra as a ring-a-ding-ding chick magnet; 1975’s The Sunshine Boys (9:30 am EDT), with Walter Matthau and George Burns as long-feuding ex-vaudevillians; and 1968’s The Odd Couple (3:30 pm EDT), arguably the finest and funniest of the many pairings of Matthau and Jack Lemmon. I haven’t seen any of these movies in decades – though I frequently reviewed the plays on which they’re based while covering dinner theaters, community playhouses and summer stock in the '70s and '80s. And I'm more than a little curious to see how they hold up so long after Simon ruled the Great White Way (and, to a lesser degree, movie theaters and drive-ins everywhere) as the undisputed King of the One-Liners.

Also on the program: 1977's The Goodbye Girl (1:30 pm EDT), an original Simon script later adapted into a Broadway musical, with Richard Dreyfuss giving an Oscar-winning performance that, for better or worse, forever defined his prickly on-screen persona. (Yes, even more so than Jaws and Close Encounters of the Third Kind.) I hope he -- and, for that matter, Neil Simon -- will have a very happy holiday. And, dear reader, I hope you do the same.

Transformers sell out

Yes, it's selling a bunch of movie tickets. But can it also sell cars and trucks?

More on Michael Moore

Indie movie maven John Pierson continues to attract impassioned responses to his IndieWire critique of Michael Moore. In the L.A. Times, however, Patrick Goldstein take a somewhat more respectful (albeit skeptical) approach to judging the incendiary documentarian. Speaking of Sicko, Goldstein writes: "At the center of the film, as always, is Moore. Like Bono, Spike Lee and George Clooney, he occupies that amorphous space in the pop culture given over to bold-faced names whose activism is indistinguishable from their celebrity. A walking inspiration for op-ed page pieces arguing the merits of his latest exposé, Moore has, as Clifford Odets once said of Orson Welles, 'a peculiarly American audacity.'"

Goldstein continues: "What makes Moore so compelling is that he has a cultural magnetism that seduces us while simultaneously arousing our suspicion. It's an unusually combustible equation: Infuriate + Inspire = Ambivalence. Bill Clinton's entire presidency was consumed by it. Courtney Love had it for a minute, as did Oliver Stone. Terrell Owens and Barry Bonds have brought it to the playing fields. Love 'em, hate 'em, often all at the same time."

True enough. Still, I'd be interested in seeing how the debate over Moore might be affected -- if at all -- if the documentary that has become Pierson's pet cause would get some theatrical play.

Blast from the past

Houston film critic and bon vivant Michael Bergeron has posted on YouTube this clip of a 1992 TV featurette on White Men Can't Jump. Ace sports broadcaster Spencer Tillman is at the top of his game here. But one of his interview subjects -- a rather portly Houston Post writer -- most certainly is not. Thanks a lot, Mike.

Thanks for nothing, Mr. Moviefone!

If you go over to Moviefone right now, and look at its excerpts from the Metacritic guide to reviews of Live Free or Die Hard, you’ll see a Variety review by yours truly quoted thusly: “Criminally short on laughs as it tries to wring humor from dull activity by dim bulbs.” Also: Metacritic interprets the overall review as giving the movie a 30 score out of a possible 100.

There’s just one problem: I didn’t review Live Free or Die Hard for Variety – Todd McCarthy did. And he liked it. And, not incidentally, so did I.

So what review is Moviefone quoting? My 2006 Variety review of the similarly titled Live Free or Die – a movie that, to be brutally honest, really did deserve a 30 score. You can see for yourself by clicking on the “Read the full review” link on the Moviefone page – it’ll take you right to this.

This would be, at best, mildly amusing if it weren’t for the nasty e-mails I’ve been receiving from people who really, really like Live Free or Die Hard, and who want to, ahem, chastise me for daring to give it a mere 30 score. (A verbatim quote cut-and-pasted from one: “Some of us are looking for real constructive cricism[sic], not some washed out loser who can't hack it with the ladies, so i'll[sic] take out my problems on people who have a real job...The movie was great, it was action packed, and kept my attention, definetly[sic] not a 30.”) I wouldn’t describe the response as a flood – more like a trickle, actually – but the fact that anyone would send me such an e-mail is.... well, pretty freakin’ weird. See, these people had to have clicked to the full Variety review to get my e-mail address, right? But if they did this – well, couldn’t they see it was a review of an entirely different movie?

You know, I read in Time magazine recently that, according to the latest results of the National Assessment of Educational Progress, more than a quarter (27%) of high school seniors are functionally illiterate. I see evidence of this in college classes I teach all the time. But it’s a bit disturbing to see more confirmation in my Microsoft Outlook inbox.

Life imitating art imitating life

Or, more accurately, 7-Eleven imitates Kwik-E-Mart. (Yes, you guessed it: It's a promotional tie-in with The Simpsons Movie.